Cupid Watches My Bloody Valentine 3D

What if Cupid watched the slasher flick My Bloody Valentine 3D?

 

Cupid is right outside a suburban window. An old angel with dirty wings, he stands there peek-a-booing through the frosty glass of someone’s living room. He takes a withered hand and wipes away the chill, wonders why the roses and the paper hearts aren’t hung around the living room akin to the holly and blinking lights that the Christmas angels all adore. He thinks his lovely celebration is dwindling. Cupid deems our hearts are growing bitter. So our wee-sized cherub with a duffle bag filled with dusty arrows and a bow shakes his head, walks away bewildered.

Cupid passes a movie theatre where the marquee flickers the latest show: My Bloody Valentine, now in dazzling 3D. He buys a voucher as the ticket taker rips it with a smile full of metal. The young boy behind the ropes doesn’t even notice the seraph, not at all. Which is a trick that Cupid mastered long ago. If you saw him, he would simply appear as someone you once loved.

Now Cupid hasn’t taken-in a picture show for ages. Of course he knows that this is a really creepy one, but he’s watched a few before. He remembers Alfred Hitchcock’sPsycho and Steven Spielberg’s Jaws and figures incorrectly that the valentine in the title suggested something easygoing; at least it was “theme appropriate” to his cause.

It wasn’t long before the first 3D gore hit the big screen with a splatter. He ducked, stopped eating his popcorn too. More than anything, Cupid loved to munch on buttered popcorn. After today, he would never eat another kernel. He spit the rest back into the greasy cardboard bowl and slid it under his seat. He was glad no one noticed that he did that. They were all too busy screaming.

All around him couples were clinging to one another, shrieking n’ shivering from the horrors director Patrick Lussier (Scream I, II & III) persistently threw in all their faces. And they loved it. Every last adolescent one of them was in cheesy splatter heaven. Holding onto one another as if they were dropping off the face of a way too complicated world, My Bloody Valentine – 3D delivered such gratuitous ultra-violence to make their little hearts explode.

Later, Cupid finds himself peeking through the same suburban window. Two teenagers are sitting uncomfortably on the sofa. He knows that they are the next to fall in love. Without a thought, he summons a most severe malevolent demon from beneath the floorboards that’s more than willing to oblige. The creature pushes his face right into the couple’s. It scares the b’jesus outta ‘em as they scream like little girls. The demon disappears as quickly as he manifested. There was silence for a while. A little bit of steam from where the creature vanished hovered in the air. Then, as Cupid had predicted, they fell lovingly into one another’s arms.

In E†ernity,

Brazillia R. Kreep

CUPID’S FLIGHT

Uncertainty made him shudder
That old Cupid was quiet baffled
Tucked away his bow and arrow
In a faded ancient duffle bag
Shook his head in wonder
‘Cause he simply didn’t know
Why the arrow was deflected
Left stuck in barren soil
For he knew what he was aiming at
Seldom ever misses
While a tear falls down his cheek as he recalls
Buttons-up his color
Heading toward a highway
Of another lonely friendless concrete town
Looking in the mirror
Reflecting neon from his motel
Cupid does not need to shave his face at all
Although he’s older than the sunrise
Given wings by God almighty
For two lovers born in a garden long ago
But he doubts himself, you see
For the world truly keeps evolving
It seems love is playing awful hide n’ seek
So before he leaves forever
He visits one last time
Looks at them to touch their hearts to show
If it is him or something other
Hidden beneath the silence
Which is the sorrow come between them he can tell
Cupid searches for the answers
But swears it is so confusing
As he notices for the first time that his tiny hands are swollen
Much older than before
As the solace finds him
Holds him for several seconds
He decides to leave his duffle bag behind
Standing on the shoulder of an interstate leading nowhere
Cupid bids the world a sad farewell
Vanishing into thunder
Like when he first arrived there
While suddenly God’s tears begin to pour
Headlights cut the shimmer
As a couple stop their car
Pick up this drenched angelic wonder just to see
Written on the side
In crying magic marker
Love just wasn’t welcome anymore

source: R. Productions